Mystic Mog’s Cat Horoscope

daily distress cat horoscopes with mystic mog

What’s in store for us cats in the coming month? Let’s find out with your cat horoscope!

Cancer (21st June – 22nd July)

Well, my lovely little crabs, it’s not going to be an easy month but it will be a rewarding one!

You’re in a royal battle with your human right now.

She thinks that the really yummy kitty-broth is an occasional treat. You know it’s a dietary necessity.

Persevere! Four more days of fasting (by which I mean only eating at the neighbours’) will work wonders. The full moon will see all of your hard work come to fruition and it will be kitty-broth every day until you get bored of it.

Leo (23rd July – 22nd August)

Little lions and everywhere should be in for a treat as the moon rises in Taurus.

Be sure not to waste any time in the mornings, Time spent waiting for your human to wake up is time squandered.

That’s your bed they’re sleeping in and it’s only fair that you wake them for breakfast. They might even thank you in the long run.

A passing tortoiseshell could provide a really fun fight!

Virgo (23rd August – 22nd September)

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With Neptune’s influence receding, caution should be your byword this month.

It may be summer but that doesn’t mean that it won’t rain.

Maximise your indoor options by putting the sofa-wrecking project on hold until the weather’s a little more settled.

You’ll enjoy it even more when the right time comes.

Libra (23rd September – 22nd October)

Your sign is one of balance and balance is the key right now.

That tabby, three doors down is getting to be a problem. You’d like to think otherwise, but you know that he’d win in a fight.

This is where you need to develop your ”parthian shot’ technique. Find a good high vantage point at the corner of your own turf and stay there. Sit and stare.

When he comes into view, give him your finest glare. Hiss and begin to arch your back, then suddenly make like you’ve just been called in to dinner.

After a few repeat performances, he’ll get so bored of not having a fight with you that he’ll find someone else to annoy. It will be easy to pretend that you scared him off.

It is wise to make sure that the door is open before trying this as a retrograde Mars indicates caution.

Scorpio (23rd October – 21st November)

Beware! A rising Capricorn indicates imminent betrayal.

Deceit and deception are in the air and they’re most likely to be coming from your human.

Maybe times are hard for them and they need the cash but at some point soon, your human will be reduced to the lowest of tricks.

They’ll come home carrying the regulation Waitrose bag but it won’t be holding the usual goodies. Your fiendish “friend” will have taken an old carrier to Poundland and stuffed it with inferior produce! In extreme cases, they will also have resorted to inflating the prices on the labels with a biro.

Don’t be fooled. A “hunger strike” is the only legitimate solution, so be sure to get chummy with the lady across the street.

Sagittarius (22nd November – 21st December)

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As Jupiter exits the house of Virgo, opportunity knocks.

It’s time for all of you archers to aim high.

Whether it’s opening that last kitchen cupboard or getting into the fridge; those things you never thought you could do, now seem possible.

Be sure to build up by practising on that tricky closet door first, though. While the stars favour adventure, they reward patience and preparation. Remember: proper planning prevents poor paw-work!

Capricorn (22nd December – 19th January)

It’s a quiet time for goats, so seize the opportunity to work on a longer term goal.

It is highly unlikely that your human will ever realise one very obvious thing. It is far more fun to leave the house through a door with three locks than it is to leave it by one that only has two.

Time and again, they will try to convince you that the easy entrance is the obvious one.

Do not settle for this!

Destiny reveals that a little carpet damage could go a long, long way!

Aquarius (20th January – 18th February)

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As Saturn waves goodbye to Sagittarius, it’s time for some skittishness.

Embrace your inner-kitten and go crazy!

The joy of play is that your human thinks it’s so cute that she won’t consider your real motives. She can’t possibly object to you “accidentally” breaking that hideous vase whilst in hot pursuit of a ping-pong ball because you’re being so lovable.

Remember Aquarius, those curtains won’t climb themselves!

Pisces (19th February – 20th March)

This should be a great time for all you little fishies as Venus enters Leo.

For those of you who’ve still got your bits, romance is definitely on the menu. The rest of you can sleep easy and think of all the money that you’re going to save and the kittens that you won’t have to look after.

Either way, it’s a win-win for lucky Pisceans everywhere!

Aries (21st March – 19th April)

An exciting month lies ahead for all you little rams. As Mercury draws close to the sun, the Winged Messenger brings good news.

Difficulties for your human could well mean that that dreaded visit to the V-E-T gets deferred. And as Venus enters transit, there’s every chance that it will get completely cancelled.

Fate brings a mouse.

Taurus (20th April – 20th May)

Taureans, you must stop being so bullish! I know you can’t help it, but you must at least try.

Attacking a freshly roasted chicken could lead to a lengthy exclusion from your kitchen. It will be far better to play nicely with the dinner guests and get fed under the dining table.

As the moon enters Leo, cuteness will pay huge dividends all round. This will be a great month to purr in return for kitty-biscuits.

Gemini (21st May – 20th June)

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Your inherent duality will be exacerbated by the passing of Uranus and this will bring a greater than ever need for sunshine and sleep.

Furniture ownership will be vital during this period and you will need to use all of your feline whiles. Now is the perfect time to have a good old moult on your selected chair – that should be enough to deter your human from sitting on it.

A bird-table delivers a pleasant surprise.