Spotters’ Corner with Big Chief ICU

big chief ICU

How! Children.

Big Chief ICU here with a great new challenge for young spotters everywhere!

I hope you’ve all been busy completing my previous missions such as:

  • Big Chief ICU’s Takeaway Food Wrappers of the British Isles
  • Big Chief ICU’s Industrial Waste of the West Midlands
  • Big Chief ICU’s Guide to Dogs’ Eggs
  • Big Chief ICU’s Treasury of ‘Phone Box Adverts
  • Big Chief ICU’s Horse Racing Secrets

All of which are freely available if you send me a postal order for a shilling per book and a large stamped, addressed envelope.

The British Isles are home to all sorts of silly billies, daft ha’porths and clueless wallies, but how well do you know one from another?

It’s time to sharpen up your scouting skills with my brand new collection, Twats of the British Isles. It’s heap big fun for warriors of all ages from eight upwards!

Will you be the first one in your tribe to spot them all?

5 points: Pavement parkers

pavement parking
Let’s start with an easy one! Pavement parkers can be found all over Britain. They are nasty, selfish people who don’t consider the needs of people with prams or wheelchairs. It’s not all bad news, though, their cars make a great place to get rid of your old chewing gum!

10 points: Silly twattoos

You see lots of people who have paid other people to scribble on them, these days. What the silly sausages don’t realise is that the scribbles won’t wash off and will look even dafter when and if they get to be old and wrinkly like Big Chief ICU.

20 points: Private number plates

daily distress UK satire humour
Some people like to show off by having expensive personal registration numbers on their flashy German cars. These people are best avoided – especially if they offer you sweets. What’s the daftest number plate that you have spotted?

25 points: Living statues

human statue
Human statues spend all their time sitting still, scaring small children and expecting to get paid for it. You might think that this is no different from being a television executive but you’d be wrong. Statues are very unpopular these days and run a very real risk of getting vandalised by anti-racists or urinated on by racists. Either way, it’s not a very clever career choice.

30 points: Street Preachers

daily distress UK satire humour
This strange chap thinks that standing around, shouting rubbish on a street in Birmingham is the only viable alternative to burning in Hell for all eternity. If he’d only think to look around the corner, he could be enjoying a nice pint in and enjoying his time on Earth!

Keep your eagle-eyes peeled for Part 2 where we’ll be looking for all sorts of lame-brains including suburban “gangstas”, people who go to cricket matches in fancy dress and those incurable nincompoops who ride around on children’s scooters even though they left school several years ago.

Happy hunting, young braves!

P.S. I have a solid-gold tip the 3:30 at Wincanton next Thursday. It’s from a very good source with direct access to the stable. I will happily share my fortune with you, my young friends, as long as you make a scout’s promise to place an extra sixpence at the Turf Accountant’s and send the proceeds to me.

Have you promised? Good. In that case, put everything you can find on Diesel Dobbin and take an early price because it’s going to be a steamer. You heard it here, first.

And here’s a very special ‘thank you’ to all the boys and girls who share last week’s success with me on l’Escargot in the National: an extremely rare MegaTrump!

daily distress UK satire humour
The Brush Type 4 (British Rail Class 47) locomotive was the ever-reliable stalwart of the nationalised railways throughout the diesel era. With its colossal power rating, this is a more than handy card to add to any deck!